Sheila Moran ~Broker Bits~: Changing my habits, one by one, Week 6 ~ Communication ~

Changing my habits, one by one, Week 6   

Week 1,  check it out here

Week 2   And part 2 is here    

Week 3- check it out here  

Week 4- and again       

and Week 5    

This week's lesson is Mastering Intentional Communication.    

I thought okay, whatever, this part of the class will be easy.  It's just talking, right?  No, not necessarily for it to be effective. 

What I think I may have communicated to someone they might not have understood exactly what my point was and vice verse.    

My coach, Dane Bauerle started off the class by discussing what exactly would be effectiveness of communication.  He said that the quality of the message and delivery, minus the amount of interference = the effectiveness.  

I really had to think about this. 

Was I doing everything that I possibly could to communicate to others?  To my co-team members, my clients, my husband and my children?  Probably not well enough.  If fact when I did a little question and answer session I found out that I really mess up the communication between others, why? 

My biggest obstacle that I need to overcome is rushing.  I'm always in a rush.  I hurry here, I hurry there.  HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, can't we get there sooner? or faster?  Can't we just not have this conversation and you can read my brain (oh, how I wish this could happen sometimes!).  But, let's just slow down a bit and see where I allow the communication to fail.  

First thing, I'm constantly allowing other things to distract me.  My phone rings, e-mails pop up on my computer screen, the office phone buzzing that someone down the hall wants to talk, instant messenger on our desktops so that's always popping up and then there is TweetDeck (where I get my twitter @sheilamoran) which is constantly tweeting this little annoying noise all of the time!  

After I thought of all of these little things that go on in front of my CONSTANTLY I can see why I don't pay attention.  You add this constant stimulation to the fact that I'm already in a RUSH....well, there is no time to actually have a normal conversation!   

When I actually realized this I went back to the office and turned off the volume on everything.  Yes, visually I can still see them, but I told myself that when someone came to my door to talk that I was going to at least look them in the eye and have a conversation.  If I could close the door and have that conversation, then even better!  I tried to implement the first couple of days and what do you know, it made a difference.  The next thing that I did was to SCHEDULE time for chatting.  This way it was written down that at this moment this is WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!  

The other obstacle that I had to overcome was my lack of concentration as well as not having my listening ears on.  I was hindering the conversations that I was having because either I was too busy to focus or I wasn't properly listening.   

Dane pointed out in our book by Rex C. Houze, Improving Performance & Results mentioned that the 6 things that people fail to hear is because:  

1.  Too busy preparing what they are going to say.

2.  Letting their mind wander. (listening rates are faster than speaking rates.)

3.  Lazy (it takes effort)

4.  Faking attention  (how many people do you know do this?)

5.  Egotistical or mental set (they lack interest in what others are saying)

6.  Impatient    

There is so much more that was in this lesson that I wont go into CAUSE I'M IN A RUSH (no, I'm teasing).   

If you want to learn and participate too, I suggest you call Dane and see what he can do for you.  

From what I have learned, communication involves so much more than 2 people just throwing words at each other.   There are different levels of listening, questions that need to be asked and you have to think about what are the motives of the other and how can you help.  The lesson even goes into dealing with negative people and resistance.  

The biggest miscommunication is to assume communication has taken place.  

What will you do this week to improve your communication skills?